Envision this: you’re at a party. You are surrounded by many people you don’t personally know. Two people approach you and ask if you want to dance. The first person is wearing a worn-out t-shirt, discolored denim jeans, and a pair of old off-white running shoes. The second person is wearing a light blue sports jacket, white button-up shirt, crème colored chinos, and a pair of tan loafers. Who would you dance with?
Of course, there are a plethora of other factors that would go into this decision. Who seems to have the better personality? Who seems like they’d be the better dancer? How old is each person? Without focusing on these extraneous concerns, I would guess that 90% of people would initially be drawn towards the latter person. Why? Because it is evident that that person cares about their appearance, whereas it is pretty apparent that the other person doesn’t.
We live in a shallow world—a world which focuses immensely on how we look. Even if we don’t want to admit it, when we are out, we are in a state of constant judgement. Who’s wearing what? Who looks the most attractive? Who smells the most alluring? Of course, these questions will never be explicit. Most people aren’t jerks. They won’t scorn you for wearing a worn-out t-shirt, discolored denim jeans, and a pair of off-white running shoes to a party, but I can guarantee that you will be internally mocked by at least a few people.
Personally, I feel like fashion-- i.e. taking the time and effort, and spending the money, to look your best-- is a necessity for two major reasons. The first, as you may have guessed after reading the prior three paragraphs, is for social appearances. You want to always be presentable because you never know when the next professional, or even romantic, opportunity is going to come along. Not only that but looking sharp gives you a competitive advantage over people who look like they just rolled out of bed. Go back to the first paragraph and really think about the scenario. Go ahead. Give yourself a few minutes before continuing.
I believe that, no matter what the situation and despite how seemingly pointless it may seem, being fashionably inclined will always effect how people see you. Take a look at these pictures:
The first one was taken in 2016. Now, I don’t think I ever dressed poorly, but I would say that I looked pretty average like the typical guy you’d expect to see at the market. There was nothing particularly noticeable about how I was dressed four years ago. The typical person dresses like this either because they don’t want to stand-out or because they just don’t care. Maybe they don’t have the confidence. I know that was my primary issue-- I lacked the confidence to be seen by others.
The second picture was taken a few months ago. It is exactly how I dress on a daily basis now. Notice a difference? Aside from the obvious differences in physical appereance, what does my attire in the second picture make you think? How is this different from the first picture? You see, I’ve only really been fashionably inclined for a few years now, but the evolutionary transition between 2016 me and 2020 me has been interesting, to say the least.
I have experienced first-hand the power that dressing-up and taking care of myself can have. I went from being another face in the crowd to someone who stands-out. People went from seeing me with indifference to giving me attention and respect. I’m not saying that what you decide to wear dictates the amount of respect you will get and deserve, but looking sharp just gives you a slight edge over those who don’t. Think about it: do you tend to call the guy wearing that worn-out t-shirt “sir” or the guy who’s wearing a suit? I would say the latter because you probably feel he’s a little more powerful or important than the other guy. For the other guy, you might be inclined to call him “man”.
Now let me clarify before you think I’m being a jerk, fashion is super important, but without a great personality and a lot of confidence, dressing-up isn’t going to help much. Sure, you might have a superficial advantage over worn-out t-shirt guy, but if you’re still a rude person, that’s as far as your advantage will go.
People will ultimately always want to be around the person with a likable personality, so even though fashion might give you a slight advantage, don’t rely on it completely.
The second major reason for becoming fashionably inclined is actually much more important than the first. Sure, getting positive attention from other people can be great, but the real reason to start dressing-up is because of the significant confidence boost you can get by doing so.
But before I get into too much detail about this second reason, I’m going to tell you something that I really don’t like to talk about; it’s something that myriads of guys indubitably go through but because of social stigmas, they’re too afraid to reach-out for help. You see, when I was a teenager back in the 2000s, I was diagnosed with something called body dysmorphic disorder. Basically, I had severe body image issues and I felt that because I thought that I looked like a stereotypical geek-- McLovin from the movie Superbad, as the kids in highschool use to call me-- that I didn’t really need to take care of myself. Kids in school chastised me anyway, so what was the point of wearing nice clothes?
I went living like this from the time I was 14 to about the time I was 22. I never really complained about what happened to me because most people get picked on in highschool. It was not that big of a deal to me because I had the strength and perseverance to get through it, but I won’t lie, those eight years were a tough time for me. I virtually had no confidence and it was evident to others.
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| (Photo Credit: Posthard.com) |
Anyway, getting back to my point, once I started to try on different outfits and really look at myself in the mirror--and not just fixate on my flaws which is a big part of BDD-- I realized that I wasn’t McLovin. McLovin is McLovin because he’s a socially inept dweeb, not because of how he looks. I realized that I had potential to be more of a Tom Selleck; that even with glasses and some slight flaws, I still could look cool as hell. This was an epiphany for me in every sense of the word.
In my opinion, fashion is a literal game-changer. I can almost guarantee that dressing-up, if only with just a nice sports jacket and pair of chinos, will give your confidence a boost that you likely didn't even think was possible. So many guys seem to think that spending a lot of time and money on their appearance is a "chick-thing"; it's something for girls to partake in. It's their thing. But what guy's who think this are really thinking is that it's a girl thing to want to look your best and feel great about yourselves.
Well let me tell you: it's not.
I believe fashion is an absolute necessity for both men and women because it impacts both our external and internal realities. Externally, other people will start noticing you. They might even give you a compliment. People will respect you, and in addition to seeing that you have a great personality, will be drawn towards you. Internally, you will begin to feel like a million bucks. Your confidence will skyrocket. You'll begin to realize how sexy you actually are and how much you're capable of doing.
Becoming fashionably inclined is a win-win, however it's not exactly like you putting on a jacket is the magic solution to all your problems. In fact, early-on, I still had some doubts and concerns. In my next post, I will explain what those concerns were and what you need to be mindful of when starting to look sharp. If you have any questions or concerns, send me an email at tnpersona@gmail.com, and I will get back to you as quickly as possible. Until next time.
-Ryan S.
