At this point, you should realize how important being stylish is. If you don't, you should reread some of my older posts. But for all you who are already working on improving your external style--i.e. what you're wearing-- in this post I'm going to be talking about a different kind of style.
Inner-Style.
What is Inner-Style, you're probably wondering? Essentially, having style on the inside means that your external style is a reflection of what kind of person you are. So if you look like a million bucks, having inner-style would be that you're a great person.
It's also about knowing how to leverage your external style in a way that encompasses your personal identity. It is far too easy to get swept away in being stylish or fashionable for other people, but when you have inner-style, you know that it is not all about assimilating into another group. It's about becoming a leader; a trendsetter, if you will.
 |
| Versace said it best here. Don't be into trends because trends are temporary and not personable. |
In this post, I'm going to talk first about what qualities I would consider as being stylish and then about how to make sure your identity stays intact. Dressing-up isn't all about becoming an entirely different person--although it can feel like it, trust me-- it's about making the person you already are even better.
Qualities of an "Alpha" male: Having Inner-Style
Honestly, a huge inspiration for this post was the influx of comments in a Facebook group I'm in called "alpha m. with Aaron Marino" about what it means to be an alpha. Personally, I can't stand that term because of how outdated it is, and to be honest, it's just a mostly toxic term. Myriads of guys in the group take it to mean all the wrong things. They see it as external, not internal.
I think it's all internal though.
Having Inner-Style or being alpha or whatever you want to call it comes from the heart, and while, yes, having external style indubitably enhances your inner style, if you're not a good person, your external style becomes obsolete.
There are myriads of different traits that could be considered "good," but I think three of them distinctly stand out., at least for me. If you want to significantly improve your inner-style, make sure you develop and strengthen each of these traits:
Integrity:
(Definition: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.)
Integrity is a broad word that encapsulates much of what having inner-style or being an alpha is about. Are you a person with morals? Are you an honest person who always follows through with what you tell people you're going to do? Do you consider those around you before making decisions?
If you answered no to any of these questions you need to work on developing your integrity. It is, by far, the most important trait that determines whether you have inner-style.
I'm not sure how easy or even possible is it to strengthen your integrity, but my best advice would be to take some time to assess yourself if you need to work on it. Meditation would surely help.
Empathy:
(Definition: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another)
Just like with having integrity, I'm not sure how easy it is to strengthen your sense of empathy, but it is so so crucial that you have it. A large part of having inner-style is having traits that make you more likable to other people and being able to understand and care about other people is the epitome of likeableness.
This is because when you consider others in the way you think and act, it makes people more drawn toward you; in a sense, you become much more trustworthy.
Think about it: are you more inclined to trust the guy who donates to the local animal shelter or the guy who's selfish and hoards all his money? I know I would trust the former guy a bit more, at least if I were in need of help.
Having empathy is very important especially in winning people over. It shows that you're a kind person who considers others as well as yourself. Having empathy is also incredibly important when in a relationship. I can't think of a bigger cause of a relationship failing.
But that's a post for another time...
Speaking of relationships though, having empathy doesn't mean that you become a yes-man or "simp"; in fact, that takes me into the third and potentially most important part of having inner-style.
Identity: Knowing who you are
Your overall identity is fluid, meaning that it is in constant transition, but your core-identity-- i.e. who you are as a person and what you believe in-- is something that shouldn't change much.
Having a solid core-identity is so crucial in having inner-style because it is perhaps the most important trait people look for whether it's in a relationship or employer.
No one wants to be with or hire a robot or someone who is willing to do/say whatever. When I encounter someone like that, I quickly dismiss them because I figure that if they don't even know what they themself believe in, how would they ever be able to understand me?
Here's what I recommend doing if you're not already sure what your core-identity is: write a list of 3 to 5 qualities that you believe are the most important to have or that you like seeing in other people; so essentially, what I'm doing here. Maybe think of it as your personal code of ethics. For example, mine would be Integrity, Empathy, and Identity.
Regardless of what you come up with, having these core values will give you a huge boost of inner-style. Knowing who you are is extremely attractive, and when combined with having integrity and empathy, it makes you a 10 out of 10.
How much of your identity should you retain in your external style and how much should you change?
Ideally, I would tell you not to change at all, but realistically speaking, some slight change here and there can be incredibly helpful. One quick thing to note is that I'm talking about how to appear professional while retaining a bit of your identity here. If you're not interested in appearing professional, it is perfectly fine to wear whatever you feel most confident wearing.
The best part of style is that it conforms to your beliefs and standards. That is why having a strong sense of Inner-Style is incredibly important. You need to know who you are and what you want to get the most out of the clothes you wear
For example, let's say you're typically a very creative, colorful person. You might love wearing neon colors because they show off your innate vibrancy. However, you wouldn't want to wear neon colors to a job interview or to meet a client for the first time.
You would want to adapt a bit to modern customs and wear something a little darker like black or navy blue. But what you could do, in order to keep a bit of your identity in you your outfit, is to wear a neon colored pocket square or tie. Something that people will notice and potentially recognize as a personal trait but not look down upon.
 |
| While this suit may be as flashy and fun as your personality, I guarantee that if you wore it to a job interview there'd be a 99% chance of not hearing back from the employer (Photo Credit: shiniesty.com) |
Although you definitely want to understand and adapt to your social milieu to a certain degree, you never want to let it completely let it subsume you. I would say the perfect balance is 60% your own identity and 40% social standards, but of course, this probably will vary depending on what message you want to convey to the world.
You are an individual, and as such, your external style should reflect your personality in some way. Start by figuring out what you believe in-- your code of ethics-- and then figure out how you can combine your inner-style with social nuances.
Identity is always a highly complex topic regardless of what your trying to relate it to. As such, if you feel like you need further elaboration on this part let me know and I'll be happy to explain. I really feel like this section may be worth writing an entire post about in the near future.
Let me know what you guys think. What do you think it means to have Inner Style or to be an "alpha"? How much of yourself should be in your clothes and how much should you adapt to societal customs?
-Ryan S.
No comments:
Post a Comment